The Seeker’s Journal

I write this now in part to pass the time, and to break from my studies, and I write this as a sort of record to remind myself of how this began. I forget how long this castle has been my prison. There are no windows, light comes from apparently ever burning candles that never grow low. Since my transformation, sleep has been obsolete and only used for sparse communication with the Old Ones. I’d contact the Elder Gods, but I doubt they have any desire to respond to one as “unclean” as I. I suppose I could have escaped by now, but it is rare that one can have an opportunity to study as long and as extensively as this, and there is so much newfound knowledge to ingest. But I digress. I forget my old name it has been so long, and because I’ve changed so much. You can call me “The Seeker” insomuch as a journal can call another.

I was young and naive, a novice conjurer who stumbled upon a rare, authentic book called the Deusabscondicon, a derivative of the infamous Necronomicon. Though nobody seems to know the author, just that it wasn’t the Mad Arab Abdul Alhazred. Of course, I now have a better idea, but that will come later.

After finding a spell labeled “forbidden”, presumably by the previous owner whose handwriting seemed inhuman, though it was hard to place why. I gathered the materials, heedless of the warning. I will not put the ritual to paper, for it is obsolete for me, and I do not want my enemies to use it, for it is a ritual that allows one to commune, with relative safety, with one of the Ancient Ones. It required little thought on who to conjure; C’thulhu would be hostile, no matter the situation, Nyarlathotep was a bit too devious for my taste, and I had no urge to contact Shub-Niggurath, the infamous goat of a thousand young. Yogg-Sathoth, however, was an excellent choice for me. My concern at the time though, was that I had no knowledge to barter with, and I knew exactly what I wanted from him.

The night I summoned him was stormy. I had needed to wait for rain, but the thunder and lightning cast a needlessly ominous pall over the evening. The ritual itself took well over an hour, even though I had prepared it earlier that day. As I muttered the last binding words, the storm had reached a crescendo and the power cut out. I stood in the darkness blinking, wondering if I had succeeded. The candles had been blown out by a gust of wind, though I had been in a basement and the door and windows were closed and covered. After a few tense moments of silence, and fear of the darkness, my eyes began to adapt. Oddly, my eyes were adapting with a green tinge, instead of the common monochrome scheme of normal night vision. As I puzzled over this, I realized that the room had filled with small flying insects that glowed. Then I remembered the door and windows were sealed tight, and these bugs couldn’t have simply flown in. As my eyes finished adapting to the gloom, I squinted when I saw something shift, opposite the room in the shadows. The moment I saw that it was the origin of the glow bugs, the mass spoke in a deep, rumbling, slurred but clear voice, irritation evident in its tone.

“Why have you summoned me human?” it asked.

“Please speak your name,” I said, remembering, despite my fear, that it was the fastest way to find the true identity of the being before me.

“Amusing. You fear that you’ve summoned a trickster being, though what you have summoned is far more dangerous. Very well, I am (here it spoke a word I was unable to recognize, let alone pronounce), also known, in your human tongue in its limitations, Yogg-Sathoth. Now I assume you’ve evoked my presence for more than the petty reason of to see if you could. That has been the end of more than one imitation conjurer,” it intoned with obvious malice.

I almost froze, or maybe I had, it was hard to be sure. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I felt, and heard, myself speak, though it seemed as if it were the embodiment of my desire, where, inside myself, I was cowering in silence.

“I desire unmitigated access to the Library of Knowledge, and for the power necessary to obtain the knowledge I need to barter for such privilege,” I said, the script I had before memorized, and which thus saved me from oblivion. Yogg-Sathoth didn’t immediately respond, but seemed to study me, something I felt rather than saw, as the appearance it had chosen was that of a shapeless, ever shifting mass of tendrils. Finally, after I had begun to wonder if it chose to kill me, it spoke again.

“Not many know how to barter without the necessary currency, and fewer state their intentions outright. You will be useful to me. I will grant you the power you need to obtain the secrets I seek, but with limitations. Your power will last three days, in which if you succeed, you will keep this power and the limits removed. I will grant you limited use of portal creation, but only to where the knowledge I seek is located. You will be granted the ability to create the illusion of humanity (the significance was lost on me at that moment) and finally, that which you imagine will become real, but only within a short distance from your body. In your current form, such power would destroy you. So, I shall remedy that,” it said. As it continued to speak, I felt a sensation throughout my body. One would expect such a dramatic physical transformation to be excruciatingly painful. Instead it felt more like the maddening sensation of trying to walk on a leg that fell asleep. The feeling had engulfed my body, and pain would have been a relief. It would not be until later, when I found a mirror, that I would discover the extent of my transformation.

“When you have found the first man who has discovered secrets unbeknownst to me, I will speak to you, to ensure you do not fail,” it spoke before dissipating, leaving me writhing helplessly on the floor.

The first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes, besides that it was fairly bright, though tinted green, was that the ancient tome was missing. I cursed, wishing I had the foresight to copy the book down. As I did so, in the same location on the floor the authentic book had lain, a copy, appearing as if I had purchased it brand new online, materialized. As I reached for it, I saw my hands. They could no longer be called anything so recognizable as “human”. They were dark green and scale covered. The index, middle fingers and thumb were elongated, thin, and resembled claws. The ring and pinky fingers had the appearance of tentacles with small suckers on the pads. As I looked closer, I saw that the suckers had small, but sturdy claws in the centers.

My arms had also gotten longer and thinner with tendrils hanging from the outside and elbows. My feet had grown out of my boots, and after removing the scraps I saw what I had now. They were extended to a shape similar to most animals, but the toes on the inside resembled that of a velociraptor from the movies, and the outside three toes were tendrils like the ones on my hands. Unlike my hands, the scales on my feet more resembled that of an alligator’s back, except between the scales coarse black fur had sprouted through, creating a particularly repulsive appearance.

Upon seeing this, I decided to find a mirror. I had to see what I had become; knowing full well the doppelganger that would peer through the glass would be something only seen in nightmares. I had forgotten about the book in the basement. I wonder if it is still there, and if not, I wonder who has it now…

I had climbed up the stairs to find the full length mirror in my closet. As I lay my hand on the knob for the closet door, I hesitated. Did I really want to see my new form, did I want to see the monster others would see me as? I decided. If I was a monster now, I may as well embrace it. It was too late to reject it.

Opening the closet door, I saw the horror I had become. My back had long tendrils hanging from it that I could move as easily as I moved my arm. My shirt had torn apart from the tendrils leaving only scraps over my chest, which I now removed. Underneath was a gaping mouth lined with sharp teeth that ran vertically from my collarbone to my navel. My flesh was coated with thin, coarse, black fur with patches of scales peeking through. My face changed as well, though there was some humanity visible, it was hidden by the monstrousness of the rest of it.


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